Xyon's Rambles

Monday, September 30, 2002

8:07 AM

24 / Laundry Day

Yesterday I spent the entire day watching the TV show 24 (with Keifer Sutherland) and doing laundry and other household chores. What a waste to a beautiful day. I didn't realize just how good the show 24 was. I was one of those didn't give it a chance on TV because I knew I wouldn't be able to commit to watching the entire season of anything (Star Trek excluded, but it is on twice a week) because of night school and having just a little of a social life. So I never turned it on AND I am thinking it was on during the same time as Enterprise. I was at the flea market in Bluff City (or thereabouts - indoor/outdoor flea market just off 11E) and found a killer deal on the entire season of 24. Now I am watching it. Just over half done. See? What a waste of a perfectly good day, but I suppose my laundry has to be cleaned and other menial things around the apartment would add up if not nipped in the bud. So that was my Sunday. (Sat held VOLS football -- Rally in the second half to beat Rutgers [wahoo] --jeez what a long seaon this is going to be). Now its Monday ---Back to work and school. Happy Happy Joy Joy.

Monday, September 23, 2002

8:58 AM

Conversion Process - Part 6 (Bonus)

I almost didn't put this here....this I did in 1994. Some will know, but most will not - that is ok...because I do. Quite lenthly too...

Blinded by Love
By Xyon



I met this girl in the seventh grade,
who I fell in love with on the same day.
She had a beauty I had never seen,
which I thought was "peachy keen."

The pencil sharpener was behind her wonderful chair,
so I would dull my pencil just to be there.
I liked the feeling my body had sampled,
taking a chance, hoping not to be trampled.

But, I was still too young to fully comprehend,
What the feelings were I was trying to extend.
So it seemed something so special was not to be,
at least not with a money back guarantee.


During the summer I strained to see,
The beautiful girl, where I longed to be.
Many of the faces that I thought were her,
Turned out to be no more than a blur.
Thoughts of her were always on my mind,
I was just learning how love could be unkind.


The new school year came no sooner than last,
and I was not in a hurry to repeat the past.
I went all day, but it seemed we were not to pass,
Until sixth period - Science Class.
I saw her sitting in her chair,
and all I could do was just stare.
I had this meeting all planned out,
for my fear to snuff it out.
The whole school year we did not talk,
though, sometimes, right beside her I walked.


French Class of my freshman year had started,
when I saw here again my heart was targeted.
Scared and nervous was be got,
hoping I had not been forgot.
We talked that first day,
for the first time since the fateful day.
Sparking a special friendship in ways,
that I cannot even say.
Good times and times spend together,
is about all that kept me together.
At last the courage to ask her out,
she said, "Yes," and I did shout.


We went on a movie date,
a horror flick if I remember straight.
In the theater I had a chance,
to spark a little romance.
When it came down to it my nerves were not steel,
instead of making a move, I only sat still.
If I could take back a piece of time,
I would change that night like a prisoner a crime.
Our friends would ask us if we were together,
Because we were as close as a bird to a feather.


Sophomore year started alas,
Knowing not how it would pass,
Expectations peak so high,
Reality makes me cry,
It was like déjà vu,
Of those eighth grade blues,
For one day during that year,
She brought to my eye another tear,
She stopped talking to me all together.
Plucked from the bird, the feather.


Midway through our junior year,
I had a sense that she was near.
I went into the office and there she sat,
Typing her memos..tic.tic.tic.tat.
As I looked down into her eyes,
I saw a sadness that took me by surprise.
Over the next year our friendship came back into bloom,
Although it had to be carefully groomed.
For the boyfriend who had caused all the pain and strife,
Still twisted and turned the knife.
I finally made here understand,
that she was not happy with this man.
It was if pain had made her blind,
Another instance how love can be unkind.
Ultimately, it was for her I made her see,
But I wonder, how much of it was for me?


It came to be our senior year.
Giving everyone reason to rejoice and cheer.
Our friendship still strong,
but not what I so very much longed.
I always envisioned a time when we would never,
think twice about saying forever.



As our senior year came to an end,
and with college just around the bend,
We had dinner at my house,
with no one home except the mouse.
Afterwards we sat and had a drink
a little scared and nervous, not knowing what to think.
She asked me if I would care,
If she did something that she wanted to share.



Before I had a chance to reply,
we were almost eye to eye.
Our lips came together,
Sweet, succulent, always, forever.
She said just what was on my mind,
"I've wanted to do that for a long time."
I took her securely in my arms,
doing my best to dust off the charm.
We kissed and hugged, longing for more,
but not feeling the time to do anymore.
I slept that night with amazing peace,
Life had finally renewed it's lease.


After that night, we had another chance,
to be intimate with that wonderful word romance.
But that fate was not to be,
because I was not ready to proceed.
Through all the storms we had weathered,
It seemed the bird had lost most of it's feathers.


I saw her a few days later,
At a party celebrating our graduating papers.
After being blinded by love, I finally started to see,
because she told me that we were not meant to be.
Time slowly started to heal,
All the emotions I had strained to feel.


College - freshman year,
A new life started here.
She in her world and I in mine,
but I was still blind.
I called her to see if she wanted,
to come see the new life I had started.
When I saw here again all my feelings came back,
she was still able to open my concealed little sack.
If I had proceeded in a different direction,
maybe there would have been more detection.
Nevertheless she was content to stay,
in our same friendship way.



There was something still I had to do,
something I figured she already knew.
It was at Pizza Hut that I chose,
to reveal the purpose that I had enclosed.
It was going to be harder than I thought,
to tell her the feelings I had brought.
She knew that there was something on my mind,
because she could read me blind.
I looked straight into her eyes,
As the words , " I love you," caught her by surprise.
TIME FROZE for the second time in as many years,
and I was on the verge of tears.


As time began to slowly tick,
She raised a piece of pizza she had just picked.
The fork with the piece of pizza never made it to eat,
instead it landed over at someone's feet.
She looked at me for a long moment without a blink,
then we talked more and she said she needed time to think.
Now, I am at the mercy of time,
hoping that it will not be unkind.


I saw her a couple times later,
within spaces that seemed like forever.
I called her one night,
only to find my ultimate fright.
TIME FROZE once again,
as her grandmother told me what had began.
What her grandmother told me,
I could barely believe.
She had gotten married without even a single word,
Alas, the last feather plucked from the bird.



In all my live and all my travels
Down broken pavement and sometimes gravel.
I have not been sure of many things,
Always trying to do the right thing.
But there is one thing that I know,
Only to one woman have I let myself be exposed.
Through all the good and bad times spent together,
I still feel as if the bird has a few feathers.



"...From the journey between Heaven and Hell.
Half the time thinking what might have been,
and half the time thinking just as well."

Harry Chapin

"Open the door, come in.
I'm so glad to see you my friend.
Don't know how long it's been.
Having these feelings again.
But I see your so happy.
And oooh it just sets me free.
Because I'd like to see us as good of friends as we used to be..."

Wilson Phillips
Your in Love


8:23 AM

Conversion Process - 5.4

This is the last installment of this story (I just heard everyone's collective sigh of relief) that I have written now...this installment has a pretty decent set up to tell the backstory of our suicidal, undead friend...maybe one day I will tell it.

Dreamscape - Part 4

Thinking about things, I realize that I am wrong. There is a God. S/he sitting in the almightly throne with a wicked sense of humor.

I have not entered either heaven or hell. I figured it would be the latter because, after all, I took my own life. Or at least I thought I had. But this is different than I had expected. Instead of seeing the pearly gates or the fiery inferno, I find myself in my own body - my own body after an autopsy.

I am not breathing, which is good because my lungs are currently breathing air for someone else. I don't understand it, but I feel no pain. I do, however, feel the cold floor beneath my feet and feel the shock of looking down and seeing the long scar that has been stitched up dowm my front side. Most of my other organs have been disconnected as I feel them jiggle as I walk out of the morgue.

My current state of appearance is that of a extremly white and naked man with half of his brain blown off. Other than the obvious defects I feel fine.

I remember, when I awakened (awakened?), I kicked a poor priest that looked vaguely familiar, in the nuts and stole his cross from around his neck. Problem is that I didn't care that I had done it. He was in my way, talking gibberish, so I got him out of it.

I found bangages in the next room which I carefully wrapped around my head, stragetically, so it looked like just a bad head wound instead of...well..instead of what? A fatal one? I don't know. I can't explain any of this but right now I just have to figure out how I am going to get out of this hospital without anyone seeing. Then, hopefully, I can figure out what the hell is going on.

For some reason my head starts to tingle, then throb, then pound. I find a wall to support my body and slide over to the corner, holding my head tight. I slide down the wall and slip into what I used to think of as a dream - and I remember...

End - Part 4

8:07 AM

Conversion Process - 5.3

Dreamscape - Part 3.5

I used to have one heart, one soul.
One providing life, one providing meaning.

One has faultered,
Can my heart live without a soul?
Living without a soul, showing no remorse,
without any honor or compassion;

How long until everything is shoved into a pile,
A pile so high that the weight will crush any hope;

How many lives will it take to reach that point,
Reach that point where my soul cries for redemption,
How long I find my breaking point;

I only have one heart, no soul..
God help us all.

8:02 AM

Conversion Process - 5.2

Dreamscape - Part 3

The priest looks over the body on the table and says a silent prayer. He turns to leave and is struck by a thought - or maybe an afterthought. His eyes widen and he his face distraught.

"Did I just see a finger move?" he says outloud without realizing he has done so. "Impossible." he continues, "Complete autopsy. Major organs removed. Lungs donated, liver damaged beyond further use, imbalming fluid replacing the blood in the veins..."

As he slowly turns around, he is struck by a foot directly in the groin. As he goes down to one knee, his bible tumbles across the floor. A pale hand reached out and breaks off the cross that is draping down from his neck.

"Why did you let them do this to me..." the body says, although all the priest heard was "wy id uuuuuu lat em uuu ssss o eee."

The priest, still down on one knee and dumfounded, starts frantically trying to move away from the table. In his haste he hits the next table square with the back of his head. Stars float in front of his eyes for a brief moment and before he blacks out he sees the body get up off the table and walk out the door.

"But, you did this to yourself..." the priest manages to get out as his conscienceness fades to black.

End Part 3

Sunday, September 22, 2002

11:13 PM

Conversion Process - Part 5.1

Dreamscape - Part 2

I now know the face of death. You are led to believe that death is a mythical creature. Whether you believe that she is a beautiful pale girl with an ankh around her neck or he is a skeleton in a hood with a sickle is up to you.

But now I know.

I know that it is neither.


Blank out of existence.

That is how I know I am not dead. As I continue to rise upward I know this - I just do. Myth of God and Satan - the enternal battle that has raged for ever is just figment working overtime. Planted there by scared little people who are afraid to look at the real meaning of life. That we just are and that is it. I am looking at nothingness -no Heaven, Hell, or even Hades.

Imagine a blank screen on your television set. Then imagine being in the blank screen and seeing another blank screen. That is what is like whhere I am. Ever so slightly you see a light in the middle of this screen and you are drawn toward it. Pulled might be a better word. Drifting, falling, swimming - you do what you can to get there. Half way there you are all of a sudden flying beyond you comprehension of travel. That is what just happened to me.

I see my body now. It is on the medical examiners table waiting to be dissected to officially determine not what happened in my life, but what ended it. I am being drawn to the shell that was my body. The last thing I see is the blade coming down on my chest to take the first incision as my soul plummets back into my body... I scream out NOOOOO! It is too late and the knife cuts deep down into my sternum...

End Part 2

11:02 PM

Conversion Process - Part 5

This last posting of the Coversion Process is an unfinished work entitled "Dreamscape" - I am posting it here, again for archive sake, but in the hopes of one day finishing the tale -- these are in seperate installments because I was trying to write these with no prior planning. Just sit down and write whateve came to me. I thought this process would keep the story fresh and let it wander in any direction I felt like at the time. The problem I ran into was...I lost interest in writing it. Maybe one day I will go back and finish it....hopefully.....

Dreamscape - Part 1
by Xyon

In my dream I am floating. Rising up to the top of the highest point in the dream. I can see the world map. A map where everthing and everywhere I have been is laid out in front of me. I hold my vigil for as long as I can. Not wanting to fall, but not wanting to go anywhere else either. I close my eyes and will everything to be back to normal again.


Everything comes and goes in patterns that change ever so slightly that I don't even realize it. I am thinking of a special place where I feel comfortable. When I open my eyes I am in her bed again. She is warm and wonderful lying on her side with steady, rhymethic breathing ebbing from her soul as she sleeps. I put my hand on her shoulder and gently turn her over. As her head turns to where I notice the maggots. They are eating her eyes and worms are crawling out of her nose. I scream and close my eyes willing it to go away again.

I have my eyes tightly shut and I start to notice lines forming in the darkness. Shards of light streaming past my vision. Shapes start to form, patterns emerge from the nether regions of my brain. At first I think they are random patterns but they start merging together to form a amoeba like creature that is dividing by spliting each other. Mitosis I wonder? Then it splits again and again and again. In a blink of an eye there are more creatures than I can count. Everywhere and nowhere at the same time, they surround me. Blink - they have grown. Little mouths appear and they are laughing at me. The noise builds to unbearable levels and I am putting so much pressure on my ears that my head is starting to hurt. I feel my hands are getting wet as notice blood on the ground. The sound still building and fall to my knees unable to take my hands off my ears. As a last desperation I open my eyes...


I am floating.


Everything is calm, quiet, collective. I look around an see my bed is below me. I am still asleep. I start screaming at myself to wake up. I see that there are still a few pills on the nightstand and the bottle sitting next to them is empty. The gun is on the floor in a puddle of my blood. I watch as paramedics break in the door and start working on my body. I see a sheet being put over my head. I turn to the window witnessing the crowd reacting as I am carried out and put in the abulance. Finally I start to rise upward....

End Part 1

10:18 PM

Conversion Process - Part 4

Where Do You Go?
By Xyon

Where do you go…?
When there is no place to hide.

Where do you go…?
When you want to be with her.

How do you just turn off the feelings?
After it is too late.

Can you really sit back
And watch her with him?

Questions and uncertain answers
Always blocking you path.

What is hard about that?

Always wanting to keep that.

Where do you cross the line
And start thinking about yourself?

Unsettled questions
Needing answers.

Sense of closure...
To find the path again...

Where do you go…?
When there is no place to hide.

Where do you go…?
After the line has been crossed.

Thursday, September 19, 2002

5:56 PM

In Case You are Wondering

If you are wondering why I am all of a sudden posting stuff here I have tried to write, it is because the web site I was going through is pop up hell. Stories.com has sold out to the point that I don't even enjoy going there anymore. It is somewhat like blogger, in that you can pay for a membership and not have the ads. But Stories.com has *&@#%$#!ing pop ups! So, I am posting the stuff here (just bear with me) so it gets archieved in my blogger journal.

5:47 PM

Conversion Process - Part 3

Another poem....

"Wicked Dreams"
by Xyon

A Song, “Drowning in the sickness”
The band, Disturbed
“Looking at my own reflection when suddenly it changes, violently it changes”
Seems appropriate
Too familiar

If I could only dream
Dream like I used to
Like I have always wanted it to be
Dream a little dream

If I could only feel
Senses fired beyond repair
Pain severs all

Another song, “Tearing Away”
Another band, Drowning Pool
Pool away, drowning, tearing
“Pieces are falling, I can't seem to make them stay”
Just another day

Wicked dreams
Calling, scratching away my sanity
Blunt reminder
Reality is the wicked dream
Sending me over the edge

12:22 PM

Conversion Process - Part 2

The first short story I ever attempted.... rated R for Adult Situations, language, and violence

Lengthy too...

Blind Justice
By: Xyon

I was in a state of void. The Earth seems to still be rotating, but I had no idea where I was or even who I was.

There was a part of me that cried out for the time I spent in Vietnam. There, I knew who I was – what I was. Bombs dropping in the distant horizon – Bullets grazing my helmet – I knew my mortality then. My morals were intact. Hell, my morals – what a joke, I was sent to kill. Seems only yesterday. Yesterday I knew who I was.

In this reality there is no sense of right and wrong. If only I could remember who I was, maybe I would know the difference now. I hold this gun to the head of this guy – while he is whimpering, pleading, begging for me not to pull the trigger –but I will do as I was instructed.

While in another reality I am home with my wife and kids. Sheryl, my wife, is at the stove preparing dinner. My kids, Johnnie and Patrick, are running wild pulling each other’s hair. I love every minute of it.

Johnnie yells to me, “Dad! Patrick is doing it again. He won’t let me play with any of his games!”

Patrick retorts, “But dad, she wants to have all my army men have a tea party. Army men don’t have tea parties!”

Johnnie is five and Patrick is 7 – they have a lot to learn.

I leave my victim’s house. I check off the list I was given. Just another John Doe that was supposed to die today. That is what they tell me.

His last word to me was...


I just looked at him and pulled the trigger.

“But Dad please! I want to go with you today. I want to see what you do!”

I tell my daughter that I don’t know exactly what I do. I look her square into her small beautiful eyes and tell her that I am just going to work. My wife kisses me on the cheek and tells me to have a good day. She never asks about my work and is always there when I get home in the evening.

Another lifeless victim meets my eyes and I just stare back. What am I doing? Why am I doing this? Once out of the victim’s house I see a grenade being hurled at me from an unknown source.

I am in Vietnam again...

The bomb explodes and shrapnel is spewed in all directions. My platoon commander tells us not to quit, to keep fighting the enemy. My bowels move the same time as my gun. I notice, right before the bullet takes apart the Vietnamese's skull, that his eyes show the same fear I am feeling and ask the same question I am asking...


Reality sets back in so fast I almost fall. I have walked almost all the way home. I take off the safety on my gun and look in every direction. Did I hear someone? Could they hear me?

My Platoon leader is whispering...

"Don’t you move your head motherfucker. You stay as still as a mouse. If you breath wrong – so much as even sweat too much - I will rip out your eyes and mind fuck you. The goddam Gooks are right here somewhere and they will not hesitate to kill us. You got that soldier!"

These thoughts shell shock my head as I try and secure the premises. The sound comes again from across the street and cold chills race across my body as I realize what I will find. I don’t want to see it but I know I will.

“Don’t look!”

I scream at my wife as she runs to where Patrick is lying. He is still and motionless. The car that hit him moves farther and farther away down the road. I grab my wife and hold her but she struggles to get away – to get to him. She finally gives up and goes limp in my arms. As she passes out she whispers, “Why did they do this to us?” I wonder who “they” are but I am in such disarray, I don’t think to question it.

The worms are starting to crawl again. Knowing now what I must do, I stare blankly at the page they have given me and wonder if I can really do what they ask. I don’t know – how am I supposed to do this?

“They are a threat. You will obey or we will take it away – take away what you need most.”

I crumple the note and throw it in a trash bin. What do I need most? What are they talking about? They have already taken everything; everything that matters. I reach the building where I must be and I look up.

Realizing too late that I moved too fast, I find myself on the ground. My head hits the pavement and I lose consciousness. The blood ebbs from my head. I dream.

I am in my front yard. I know this is a dream immediately because Patrick is pulling Johnnie’s hair. She screams so loud that I have to cover my ears. Patrick walks over toward me holding a handful of her hair. He throws in on me and says deadpan, “If you don’t complete what we have told you too we will take her too.”

He throws the hair at me and begins to walk into the street. I scream for him not to, forgetting it was a dream. As he reaches the middle of the road, he turns to me and yells, “You stupid motherfucker!” I run toward him but still can’t stop the car from hitting him. He hits the windshield like a butterfly and shoots straight up in the air. His head reaches the pavement first and his body crushes his neck. I drop to my knees and scream.

The bombs are falling again. I see death and she turns toward me. My perverse minds makes me want to see that cute girl from the comic book, but here she has a fat face that is twisted and distorted. A scar is horizontally skewed across her left tit and her right one is gone. For a moment I think I am dead, but I realize this is another dream. She beckons me to come toward her.

As I do, I see all the people I have killed lying around her. She grabs my throat and lifts me straight off the ground. While she is holding me I hear my victims yelling. “You will die! Take him now! What are you waiting for make him pay for what he has done to us! Make him suffer! He deserves to die!”

I reconize the last voice as Patrick. I look down and see him in the twisted position that the car left him. He lifts up his body and his head sways back and forth. I start screaming.

“Why? Why? Why?”

Death just laughs and throws me across the void except I hit something and fall to the ground.

I open my eyes and realize where I am and what I must do. I see the building I must enter and the stairs I must climb to reach the pinnacle of my journey. The door I must walk through to finish my assignment. I think of my daughter as I raise the gun up.

Her head explodes in a rush of blood. She was working late and was the only one in the building. As she saw me coming she smiled, but her face quickly turned to horror as she saw the end coming. Her hand shot up out of reflex but the bullet passed straight through. She won’t be going home tonight. Her husband will think she is fucking Jimmy again and not worry.

When I reach my house I see the door ajar. I ease my way in and see a note in the hallway. It reads:

“My Dearest Husband,

I can no longer live with the fact that I have been a willing participant. I was only suppose to put your medicine in your food and be your anchor when the things got tough. Our kids were an added bonus. I didn’t expect us to be together long enough to have kids. The first pregnancy caught me off guard but I welcomed the next. It was only recently that I realized that they never would be truly mine as you would never truly be either. I am sorry about everything. If only I hadn’t fallen in love with you. The only thing real is our family. The group owns our lives and will never stop. When they killed Patrick I knew it would end soon. Soon they will kill me as they will kill you. I am saving them the trouble. Take care of our daughter as best you can. She is the only thing you have left that is real – remember that. I wish things could have been different. Goodbye - I love you – Sheryl."

I remember now Sheryl asking, “Why are they doing this?”

This fades away as I see blood seeping into the hallway from the kitchen. I push the door open and my reality shatters into a million pieces as I see Sheryl lying on the floor. Her head is all over the linoleum floor. The gun is lying on the floor next to her. I drop to my knees and cover my face. My mind races. I was suppose to tell her it was finally over – that I had completed my mission. We were supposed to be free now. Blackness settles in again as I fall over next to her.

The bombs are exploding all around me again. A bullet hit my helmet square on and I fall over. When I awake I find myself in a small hut. I want desperately to get up but I am tied down. My eyes look around the room and I see a man standing with his back to me looking at a piece of paper.

“Mr. Bilbo said I would meet you,” he says with his back still toward me. “I have been waiting for you. Mr. Bilbo says you will make a fine addition to our group.”

When he turns to me I see he is holding a large needle. He walks toward me and injects it into my arm.

“You will only feel a slight burn and then everything will be alright.”

I try to ask what was going on but only received a hard punch across the face for my trouble.

“Now don’t you feel better? Mr. Bilbo will be very pleased.”

As I fade out, the last thought to go through my head was…

“...Johnnie! Johnnie! No! Please no!”

I scream this as see her being put into a trunk of a black car. She was suppose to be at a friend’s house but now I see her outside the window. I hear the trunk slam as I race out the front door. The car is too far away for me to get there in time. As the car speeds away the woman in the passenger seat throws a note out of the window. I reach out to pick the note up and realize I am trembling all over. I managed to see the tag before it left in haste. It read “MotherFucker.” I turn the note over to read it:

"You were more gullible than we could have ever have hoped for. Splendid job. Your wife (should we even call her that?) was right. Too bad she isn’t here to say, 'I told you so.' Your daughter is now belongs to the group. The test was a successful one. We now know it can be done and we were able to witness it all. You sister was an added bonus. Her head really popped like a zit. I personally didn’t think you would do that one. Thank you for proving me wrong. Have a nice life. Ha ha ha ha ha”
-Mr. Bilbo Baggins

I was in a state of void. The Earth seems to still be rotating, but I had no idea where I was or even who I was.

My eyes – It had to be my eyes. Whoever they were, were seeing through my eyes. I don’t know how. I fall to my knees and start jabbing my thumbs into my eyes. When the police arrive, my eyes are bleeding profusely and I am totally blind.

Blind like justice.

20 years later…

I am strapped to an electric chair. The judicial process is nothing if prompt. Ha, ha, I kill me. I question why they are putting a blind fold over my eyes when they are nothing but empty sockets now. No one answers. And then I hear her; mature now, but I can still hear her small beautiful voice...


As the switch drops and the first tingle of electricity hits, my last thoughts are...



11:40 AM

Conversion Process - Part 1

A previous poem I have did back in 2000. Gonna be converting stuff over here from Stories.com....

Light in the darkness
By Xyon

Look toward the ocean
Look toward the sea
There is a light in the darkness
And it carries me

When the darkness falls
And the tide comes in
I picture your face in the sea
And it carries me

When the oceans are dark
And the sand is course
I feel your breath on my neck
And it carries me

Look toward the ocean
Look toward the sea
There is a light in the darkness
And it carries me

When you are so far away
And shades of my past are before me
I remember your light in the darkness
And it carries me

Just knowing your there
Just knowing you care
Shining like a lighthouse over the sea
It carries me

Look toward the ocean
Look toward the sea
There is a light in the darkness
And it carries me

(inspired by the song "Dante's Prayer" by Loreena McKennitt)

Thursday, September 12, 2002

6:57 PM

Blog to help with Film Studies

This is where I get my blog to help with my classes at ETSU. I am a film minor and i will be posting stuff here for me to use later on - This may be of interest to some who struggle through my rambles - I am doing some research on Jim Jaramusch and Christopher Nolan. Both directors/writers - and Jarmusch, actor.. The following is some web pages I want to explore more thoroughly. Kind of a quick bulletin board when I surfing at school or anywhere besides home. So far I have found these interesting links for Jim Jarmusch's early films

Stranger Than Paradise

Stranger Than Paradise (1)
Stranger Than Paradise (2)
Stranger Than Paradises (review)

Jim Jarmusch

A Jim Jarmusch Hompage
The Director's Chair - Jim Jarmusch
Jarmusch Interview

Here is just some general movie pages that are some interest to me - I may add a few of these on the permanent links area on the right, just depends on how I like the site...

The Wonderful World of Film

Wednesday, September 11, 2002

11:17 PM

One Year Ago

One year ago today - the nation suffered like not since Pearl Harbor during W.W.II. I was on Seminole DR when I heard the news. It went something like this:

[Tim Seaton, construction inspector for the City of Johnson City comes walking up to a surveyor technician behind a Total Station Instrument.]

I(Inspector): "Hey, did you hear the news? A prop plane has hit one of the trade towers in New York"

SI (Surveyor Technician): "No! What happened?"

I: "It just came across the wire. They are reporting a prop plane hitting the North Tower!"

SI: "HOLY SH--! I can't believe it!"

[The surveyor technician continues about his business of laying out College Heights Road that is being rerouted to best serve the new Seminole DR. Fifteen minutes later the Inspector returns looking more worried and confused.]

I: "Now they are reporting that it wasn't a prop jet - but a commercial plane. They have lost contact with couple of planes. It is all coming over so quick and changing everytime. I am not sure who know what."

"Good golly. What is happening again? A few minutes ago it was prop jet ... what is happening?"

[After a brief recap of what he had previously said, the inspector returns to his truck. He promised he would return when something else happened.]

[Meanwhile, the surveyor technician joins the City Surveyor and the other Surveyors Technician who are blue topping College Heights Road. Without going into too much explanation, blue topping is a way to get the grade along the road to near exact what the construction crew would need to build it the way it needed to be. The small wood peg put in the road used to be painted blue (some surveyors still do) but it is acceptable to paint them what ever color you want as long as it makes them visible. The Surveyor Technician who was behind the Total Station, is now behind a Level reading grades to his superiors.]

[A construction worker for Summer and Taylor has a head set on giving live updates. The news has barrel rolled, getting worse as the morning continues.]

CW (Construction Worker): " A second plane has hit the South Tower! Both Buildings are now on fire and smoking heavily! Another plane has been reported to have hit the Capitol. No word on where the President is..."

[The surveyors stop what they are doing. They are listening intently with great looks of shock and horror on their faces. The Construction Worker continues...]

CW: "They are now reporting a plane down in Pennsylvania. They are not sure if it is connected with what is happening in New York, or if they know, no one is saying anything."

[As the morning continues, the Surveyor Technician continues his work with brief stops to learn more tid bits of what is happening from the construction worker with the AM/FM headset. The construction worker again brings everyone to a halt when he says...]

CW: "The North Tower has fallen! Holy shit! Holly shit! I can't believe this is happening. One of the twin towers has fallen....the President is reported to be on Air Forced One."

[Everybody stops what they might be doing - road construction stuff - and listen to his updates in a very surreal few moments.]

CW: "Oh My God, the second tower is now down too...Plane crash identified as having been hijacked and was heading for the White House...no explanation why it crashed yet....."

[The surveyors eventually start working again, slowly, after saying things to each other like, "I can't believe what has happened" and "think of the people and their families" and "whoever is responsible will pay big time!" and "Whoever the Sons of Bitches are who did this just signed their death warrant!"]

{The camera slowly pans out to show the whole road - everyone starting to work again - still in shock of the morning events - showing life goes on, things have to get done - but no one will ever forget what happened in New York on this Day of Remembrance.}

That little scene is just a small depiction of a small group of people finding out about the disaster on 9-11-01. Everybody has a different story to tell, where they were, how they found out, what they felt as the story unfolded in New York. Some people I know cried; some were too shocked to feel anything for a few days; and some were madder than hell. I was a little of all three, I believe. I sat in my apt that night and watched in horror as people in New York frantically trying to find survivors, watched the footage of people jumping out of the tower instead of being burned up; watched as the second plane hit the South Tower over and over; and watched as the towers fall again and again. It was a real overload to me and I can't really imagine what it would have been like in New York City; to worry about family or friends that might have been in the Towers or the Pentagon, in Washington, DC. My heart went out to them during that time and still goes out to them as the country mourns the first year of the tragic events. While we sit at home watching the footage again on all the different programs, we need to keep in mind that some people are not only mourning the first year after 9/11, but are reliving it again.

Monday, September 09, 2002

1:50 AM

Big Weekend - Starting Thursday Night

Let's see --- where to start.

Thursday night I went to see the blues guitar God Jimmy Thackery. This is the 5th or 6th straight year I have been to his show at the Down Home. Still top of his game, the night was a filled with new and classic alike. He didn't disappoint his long time fans with stunning versions of "Roy's Blues" and "Apache" mixed in with new classics like "Big Fat Women" and "Dangerous Highway", off his new album. Hippy, Sarah, Mike and Myself enjoyed 7 pitchers of Killan's Red to make him sound that much better.

Friday after work I headed to Roan Mt for the Fall Naturalist Rally. I have the fortunate pleasure of staying in Burbank at my Aunt and Uncle's house there. I could live there. It is a small place with one bedroom with a door and a loft over the living room with 3 other beds. After making a brief stop at Win Dixie in Elizabethan for grill out goodies, I arrive at the "Burbank House" around 5:30.

I head to the Roan Mountain State Park Convention at 6:00 for a meal and the featured program. I missed the program because another friend who hadn't showed up yet had the wrong directions and I didn't want her to be roaming around the mountain all by herself. So I snuck out after dinner and went looking for her. I didn't find her, but at the top of the mountain, I view the best ever look of Venus I have ever seen. I stayed there for about 30 minutes looking at Venus with my binoculars and other constellations on a chilly night with no clouds at all.

I get back about the time the program is ending and socialize a bit before I head back to the house in Burbank.

I get up at 6:00am and head back to Carver's Gap. The elevation at the gap is 5512 feet. Rick Knight had set up his banding operation there. He bands migratory species (some local birds get caught in his net) as they head south to the Yucatan Peninsula and southward for the winter. Banding the birds helps to figure out migration paths. Banders are able to track these birds with the little bands they securely, but in no way harmful, put on their legs. If he were to come across another bird with a band, he would write down the band information and release it without any additional band.

Anyway, after a busy end of the week banding, courtesy of a cold front that helped get the bird motivated to move, the weekend was slow as the weather returned to more normal conditions. As more cold fronts start moving through the area, the banding will pick back up. Nevertheless, he had a few good birds to show off to the interested parties from the naturalist rally. He banded - Swainson's and Hermit Thrushes (cousins to Robins), Black-throated Blue, Magnolia, Tennessee, and Cape May Warblers, and Ovenbird (another warbler) with Rose-breasted Grosbeaks, Blackburnian Warblers, Cooper's, Sharp-shinned, and a Broad-winged Hawk, Crows, a Raven, a Woodcock (my first in the Gap area), Red-breasted Nuthatches, Golden-crowned Kinglets, and Dark-eyed Juncos were seen in between banding runs.

When the birding group from the naturalist rally finally work their way to the gap, they inform us of a Northern Goshawk seen near picnic area [1] that they flushed. Apparently, the bird flew down low for everyone to get a good look.

That evening there was too much to do or watch. 5:30pm was the starting time for Florida Vs Miami (I wanted to watch this game because the VOLS play both teams), 7:00 start time for VOLS radio (pay per view game), 8:00 start time for the program at Roan Mountain, and find time to grill out as well. Instead of going to the Roan Mt program, I elected to watch Florida/Miami game - listen to VOLS on radio, and listen to Allan Trently and Lee Pinkerton play guitar and sing. Great evening with a couple of beers to relax well. They played their guitars until well after midnight. Lee left (to camp out on top of the mountain) and the rest of us crashed as well. Some friends had come over to stay in the cabin with me....all had a great time!

We all slept in the next morning until 7:30am. We got up, ate a quick breakfast and all headed out to our field trip location. I went back to the banding station. More of the same birds were banded, but it was even a slower morning than on Saturday. But it was still a good morning. We said our good-byes and all left to the last field trip scheduled for the Rally.

I had decided not to do an afternoon field trip. I, instead, decided to go on back and get my stuff up and leave the mountain. Instead of leaving right out, I sat down on the couch to continue reading my new book, Knight Life (by Peter David). I had football on CBS and got interested in the game. After the game was over the US OPEN finals came on and I thought I would watch a few games of the championship match and them go home. After the first set, I fell asleep and woke up at 6pm. I quickly gather my stuff and leave later than I meant.

Great weekend though! It was a nice get away. Back to the "real" world (work and school --uuugh).

Monday, September 02, 2002

10:59 PM

Blogger got blogged

I really stuck on to blogger just now. As you can tell, the end of the post after this one is messed up. I put a link in and forgot the http:// part and just put www - this really screwed with blogger -- now when I want to edit that post - the link to edit in the program part is all jumbled with the web address and the rest of my sentence...

Here is what the last paragraph should have said...

Speaking of SEC - I would be amiss not to mention my beloved VOLS and their 47 - 7 stomping of Wyoming in Nashville Saturday evening. Go Vols!

10:51 PM

Labor Day

Labor Day 2002 was full of labor. Well sort of. I did more landscape today in front of my apt complex.

The day after I did the landscape, (See Aug 8, 2002 - "Going on a Rant" entry), my landlord brings over a backhoe and pulls out of the ground to evergreen bushes that are in front of the building I live in. This was due to the request of the little old lady at the end of my building who has lived here since like the building was built. But since then, there has been 2 holes that needed filling and smoothing out and our landlord never returned.

Last Thursday my neighbor and I were talking about it and she asked me if she could pay me to fix the ground for her. So today was the first day of working on this project. I got phase 1 of the work done, which was the digging out the root of both bushes, filling the holes and smoothing them over, and raking up all the excess pine needles that dropped from the bush when it was yanked out.

What my neighbor wants to do is put some kind of tarp down over what little grass is left and then put mulch on top of that. She gave me a $100 bill and told me to go ahead and by 13 bags of mulch and the grass preventing tarp. She also told me to take $20 for myself to pay for the work today. That was nice.

So the next few days I am going to be buying stuff to finish on Wed or Thurs afternoon. I need to have it done by then because, more than likely, I will be at Roan Mountain next weekend for the Naturalist Rally.

Other than the above mentioned stuff, I have been watching the Law and Order marathon on TNT and Auburn vs USC. The college game is on as I write this. 17 All - Just started the 4th quarter. USC ranked 16 in country and Auburn is not ranked in the top 25. Have to pull for Auburn in this game since they are SEC.

Speaking of SEC -- I have been remiss not to mention my beloved

1:20 AM

Day at the Lake

Today was good. I went to Larry's place on Boone Lake for his birthday gig. His B-day was last week but the barbeque was today. After lunch - they supplied Partners barbeque - we flipped back and forth between Va Tech vs LSU and the Darlington Race. LSU pretty much beat themselves by dropping seemingly every pass. Tech won. Then we watched a little more of the NASCAR race. Before the race ended we went down to the lake and put in the rafts. Spent the better part of 2 hours just floating around. Very peaceful and relaxing. Just before I got out, when I was on the other side of the cove, I decide to try and swim back across. The boat I was in was basically a great big, inflatable canoe. At the time my roommate Hippy was in the boat as well. I asked him to stay with me as I attempted my big swim. I barely got 1/5th the way across and I was scrambling back to get in the damn boat. I am so out of shape it is pathetic. Better start smaller in order to get back in shape.

Just took a small break from collecting my thoughts to finish watching the movie "Some Kind of Wonderful" from back in 1987 (Eric Stoltz, Mary Stuart Masterson, and Lea Thompson). I remember seeing this movie when I was Sophomore in High School. Simple movie - boy has girl best friend who is love with him while he is love with the elusive Amanda Jones. He was one of those guys in High School that was out of place. I related to him back then (and to some extent now). He ends up getting the girl but at the last minute realizes that he is really in love with his best girl friend. Typical 80's high school movie - but this one hit home with me then (and now). God, sometimes I am such a sap. Good to be rounded I suppose.

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